October 06, 2006

Winter is Here Now

good evening brothers

i dont know how to start as so many things happened during last 10 days. even in isolation so many things happen and you can not know how to discribe all the things. as baba says i am a natural writer but i think i am not one because i also need to think before i write. but as i have to write all the rubbish i dont much care what i have wrote and that is why it appears as if it is very natural. i am much impressed by the writing style of mr. paulo coelho. he is a good write i think. most of hte time i try to learn how to write when i am reading books and i just recently have developed this habbit and it really helps i think. i now read more consciously but still i dont remember things about the books i have read or the content very much. it is not my humbleness but my poor memory. ranjitsingh is always very generous about his comments and praises everyone and everything that come accross but i think i really have a very bad memory. someday i will be able to remember things but not in near future. i tell you so because this days i am reading an e-book: Memory Power. Use both your left and right brain.(it may be a good help to remember things when i prepare for the next exams at techo) Ha ha. i recently came to know that there are two brains or may be two parts of it or may be one brain inside our balls. i really strongly believe that 90 percent of the time man uses his balls rather than brains to interpret and understand things.
what i did in last 10 days of isolation? i dont remember everything but surly so many things must have happened asusual. money or no money, it does not make any difference i think. most of the time things happen even if you dont want them to happen. that is very natural. i again have to go to technology faculty to pay my fees. i again have to read all those books about microprocessors and control systems and radiating systems. i again have to study for one full month. (of course half-heartedly) i again have to cram all those things that does not make any difference in my life or my gurus' lives. i again have to go to check my exam dates. i again have to loose my mind over programming. i again have to prepare myself for last minute preparations. i again have to look at the things the other way, the way they are not natural. i again have to study for long hours which i dont like at all. i again have to slove really really tough problems of mathematics and electronics. i again have to call people so that they can provide me good material and assistance. i again have to visit old friends. (the only thing i like about the exams is this, i can meet all my old friends when they come for their respective ATKT exams. blessed are those who understands that exams are not like maha-kumbha.) i again have to write notes and stuff in my notebooks about crazy things like microprocessor instructions and radio engineering.( i dont think that i am ever going to use them in my non-practical life) i again have to bath to keep me awake. i again have to sleep very less so that i can prepare better this time. i again have to write this sentence again that again i am going to do few things again and again. i again have to.... forget. i dont want to write those one thousand and one things i dont like and have to do again for one full month. one month every six month is like hell for me. i dont know when will i be able to clear all the subjects but this time i have to go for 5 subjects only and i will prepare for 3 of them only so that i willbe able to clear atleast 2 of them and very soon will be in final year of the engineering. i can not imagine my self going to class room full of 20-odd year old kids. i came to know that few of my junior's junior's junior are now lab assistants and temperory lecturers. i dont think that they are going to impress me anyway but sooner or later i will be able to clear all the 39 subjects and a project, that is all that the course of engineering at techno faculty has to or can offer me. i can read a book a day if i dont have to appear in the exams but if you say that we will ask you questions after you finish your reading i can not finish a book in my whole life. 100 marks of exam can not teach you what microprocessor is and almost everyone knows this at techno faculty including professors and readers and students but still year by year they repeat the same damn thing and try to judge people from the three hours of crazyness. anyway i have to go for the exams and i am fully prepared for this. i shall try to clear all the papers in which i appear this time and should go to final year without any kind of backlog. i shall, with all my natural intelligence and proper use of faculties available, try to clear all the papers at a once this time and i am very positive about this. my positive attitude is the only negative thing, i think, that resides in my mind. or that is the effect of my nonsense inthing that i think that i have very positive attitude. in the wordly sense may be i am not a man with very positive thinking and attitude and very passive and receptive, but from inside i think my attitude towards life is very positive though it appears as if i am very negative and dull. the world inside is altogether a different thing and i can not discribe my natural positive attitude towards life using words or a keyboard and a blog as a medium.

but i am very happy now as i again will be able to wear my old osho cap as winter is about to arrive in phursatgunj. i can feel it in the air. mornings under the bridge are now more cold and beautiful. very soon winter will be here and i will be among those very few guys who are really loyal to samrat and other places around. we are only people who visit station at 3 in the morning in winter and we really enjoy that no one is there and we can have our tea at peace. such a joy to wear that osho cap.

i read a lot now. this is not a new thing as i always read a lot because that is the only and cheapest way to kill time with out wasting money or energy or resources. and as now i have a computer at my kholi in sardarnagar i can read a hell of e-books which i have collected. yesterday i read two of them and finished them in straight 11 hours as i was very much impressed with both of them. paulo coelho is a good writer. i am not very much impressed with his ideas about salvation but atleast his writing style is different and very interesting. i read two books, 11 minutes and veronica decides to die, both by paulo. 11 minutes deals with delicate subjects like prostitution, life, sex, sadomasochism, struggle and women. veronica decides to die is a short story about a girl who wants to die without any reason. both the e-books are good and i already have started reading two other books by paulo. maktub and i sat by river peidra and wept. maktub is a arabic word which litreally means :it is written. i will finish this two books and few other books like glimpses of world history and a book of short stories and than will try to concentrate on my studies. i think at this speed it is not going to take more than 5 days to finish all this 5 books and than i have to start reading microprocessors. such a boring and ugly thing to do just at the begining of yet another winter at phursatgunj. but i will tolerate this pain as i already have dragged a lot. now as i am really tired and bored of typing i will go outside and will smoke a cigi and will say bye bye to this cafe. i wont be able to back again very soon so may be this is my last post for this week and will try to post regularly about the things that is going to happen in my lazy life in next few very hectic weeks.

and at the end: biggest news announcement of the year.baba is going to visit New York. baba in america !! ha ha ha ha !! i can imagine myself as an engineer if i really try hard and if under the infulence of alcohol or drugs or smoke or tea or sleep. but i can not imagine baba in america, not even in the wildest of my dreams i can not imagine baba walking down the streets of new york and enjoying coffee instead of tea. i just can not. i know my imagination is good as i am a good chess player but still i can not imagine baba in america. anyway what he is going to do in america? he is on an e-learning course of something like that. (he told me but i dont remember things very easily) but this is really interesting. what he is going to do in america after his working hours or learning hours. i dont know and will never ever be able to know till baba will be back from america. till than wait and imagine if you can. now i am moving as i can not stop peeing. bye bye.

long live laziness, long live brotherhood.

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